Telemarketers from call centres in developing nations - we all get them! It's all a matter of how you tell them to leave you alone! Here are some of my strategies.
1. When they ask how you are carry on like an old person with a visitor about all of your problems.
I say something like this....
My back has been sore for weeks so I went to the chiropractor this afternoon and he told me to come back in a month. So, I said to him "I can't make it then, can we postpone it for a week?" And then I went home and we were out of teabags so I had to go to the shop and get some more. But not the old type, but the new lipton triangular ones bla bla bla.
You get the picture!
Don't hang up! Stay on the line and do whatever it takes to bore the hell out of them!
2. When they try to close the sale by asking if you want something for free, lead them on as though you are interested.
I say something like this....
"Just hang on a second mate. I will just go and grab a pen and paper. This sounds so incredible and I want to make sure I don't miss out on anything ok?"
Return 5 minutes later and say "Just looking mate, hold on".
Important:
You can amuse yourself by seeing how much of their time you can waste before they hang up!
Remember:
They will do the same to you when you call for customer service. So this step is the appropriate angle to take.
3. Start to yell frantically into the phone in the best Spanish you can fake.
4. In similarity to the looking for the pen scenario.
I wind them up by asking them something like this.....
"Can you hold? I have something on the stove."
I then go and have a cup of Earl Grey and read the paper. Again, 5 minutes later I go and check the phone and quietly giggle at them waiting and calling out "Hello, are you there?"
Important:
This is the time to pick up the phone once again and allow them to start their introduction. Allow them to put in a good effort and then ask them to hold again. This time someone is at the door. Again, leave them to wait another couple of minutes!
Next just simply return and repeat this process again.
If you're good you can keep this up for some time depending on their enthusiasm and/or naivety.
5. You can now begin to enjoy their calls, have a laugh and even start looking forward to them!
When in a more cheeky and active mood I tend to constantly interupt their pitch and rave on about the high quality of New Zealand products and services. Take it further by criticising their suboardinate roll in marketing logistics.
Remember:
Ocassional gramatical and elocution lessons regarding their misuse of English goes a long way.
To conclude:
This sort of activity can attract mixed responses! But hey, it's harmless and all in the name of good fun.
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