Mike Patton (Faith No More, Mr Bungle). Epic OMV

Appearing completely bonkers while being held together by a fabric of genius makes for pretty amazing viewing. Faith No More Frontman Mike Patton can swing from jazz croon to metal roar and hip hop bark at the flick of a switch. All hail!

5 Strategies To Apply When Offshore Telemarketers Call

Telemarketers from call centres in developing nations - we all get them! It's all a matter of how you tell them to leave you alone! Here are some of my strategies.

1. When they ask how you are carry on like an old person with a visitor about all of your problems.

I say something like this....

My back has been sore for weeks so I went to the chiropractor this afternoon and he told me to come back in a month. So, I said to him "I can't make it then, can we postpone it for a week?" And then I went home and we were out of teabags so I had to go to the shop and get some more. But not the old type, but the new lipton triangular ones bla bla bla.

You get the picture!

Don't hang up! Stay on the line and do whatever it takes to bore the hell out of them!

2. When they try to close the sale by asking if you want something for free, lead them on as though you are interested.

I say something like this....

"Just hang on a second mate. I will just go and grab a pen and paper. This sounds so incredible and I want to make sure I don't miss out on anything ok?"

Return 5 minutes later and say "Just looking mate, hold on".

Important:

You can amuse yourself by seeing how much of their time you can waste before they hang up!

Remember:

They will do the same to you when you call for customer service. So this step is the appropriate angle to take.

3. Start to yell frantically into the phone in the best Spanish you can fake.

4. In similarity to the looking for the pen scenario.

I wind them up by asking them something like this.....

"Can you hold? I have something on the stove."

I then go and have a cup of Earl Grey and read the paper. Again, 5 minutes later I go and check the phone and quietly giggle at them waiting and calling out "Hello, are you there?"

Important:

This is the time to pick up the phone once again and allow them to start their introduction. Allow them to put in a good effort and then ask them to hold again. This time someone is at the door. Again, leave them to wait another couple of minutes!

Next just simply return and repeat this process again.

If you're good you can keep this up for some time depending on their enthusiasm and/or naivety.

5. You can now begin to enjoy their calls, have a laugh and even start looking forward to them!

When in a more cheeky and active mood I tend to constantly interupt their pitch and rave on about the high quality of New Zealand products and services. Take it further by criticising their suboardinate roll in marketing logistics.

Remember:

Ocassional gramatical and elocution lessons regarding their misuse of English goes a long way.

To conclude:

This sort of activity can attract mixed responses! But hey, it's harmless and all in the name of good fun.

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Best Guitar Solos - #100 Jane's Addiction: 3 Days

Three Days is a ten minute, forty-six second song featured on Jane's Addiction's 1990 album, Ritual de lo Habitual. It is a three-part song that meditates on death and rebirth. The guitar solo by Dave Navarro was ranked as number 100 in Guitar World's "100 best guitar solos".

The song was inspired by Xiola Blue, who came to Los Angeles for her father's funeral, and spent three days with Farrell and his girlfriend Casey Niccoli, spending their time together in a "haze of sex and drugs". Blue died of a heroin overdose in New York City in June, 1987. The song was written prior to her death.

Mystery Axe Man Of The Week: Max And Patricia! AFX Classic!

Now there are tons of amatuer guitar solos on Youtube and every week The Top Rock And Heavy Metal Blog reviews a classic. We come accross this guy Max. Now you can't bitch at Max for not perfecting this classic. He's published more than one video but this is his best comp by far.

So let's do it again for the newbies.

Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden). Fear Of The Dark. Live @ Download Festival 2007

No one in the world looks great in leather trousers with flapping tassels, but Bruce Dickinson at least makes it look appropriate. Flag-waving, note-scaling, British heavy metal icon with a penchant for planes.

Rob Halford (Judas Priest) Breaking the Law Live 1983

A fearsome, apocalyptic wail possibly somewhat aided by the tightness of his leather, Rob Halford rocks harder than a rocking chair on a rowing boat in a storm. Ie: shit loads. Catch Judas Priest around on tour this year.

Ozzy Osbourne (Black Sabbath). War Pigs (Paris 1970)

So much more than a reality TV show star, Mr ‘Prince Of Darkness’ Ozzy Osbourne is for many the embodiment of heavy metal excess. His trademark melodies and manic stage presence have made for years of compelling viewing.

Axl Rose (Guns N' Roses) Live Tribute to Freddy Mercury

Despite his bad (late) behavior at gigs and questionable GN’R release, Axl Rose is still one of metal’s greats. A proper rocking diva with hips that would have catwalks quaking and a banshee wail like no other.

Corey Taylor (Slipknot, Stone Sour) Live @ London Arena

The youngest ‘newest’ frontman on the list, but an unquestionable contender for Best Metal Frontman. Whether terrifying fans across the planet in his masked Slipknot attire, or sending rock radio rioting with Stone Sour, the sharp and witty singer will go down in history as one of our greats.

Phil Anselmo (Pantera, Down) live @ Ozzfest

That darkened growl, that metal gurn and an attitude that screams “come on then!” -the notoriously tough Pantera frontman was and is metal aggression personified. Whether whipping up crowds into a moshing frenzy or calming with a Down melody, Anselmo’s got it all.

James Hetfield (Metallica) Live in Sydney

A demon on guitar as well as on mic, Hetfield has lead the Metalli-troupe from strength to strength. Standing spread legged in centre stage and engaging crowds with his melodies (and his laugh), not even the band’s infamous 1992 pyrotechnics accident could keep him away!

Ronnie James Dio (Black Sabbath, Dio, Heaven & Hell, Rainbow, Elf)

Ronnie James Dio, the inventor (arguably) of the ‘horns’ metal gesture – last month marks a year since Dio’s sad passing (May 16, 2010) and for our first post the top spot goes to the friendly man with a set of lungs that were a thousand times more powerful than his stature suggested.

Top Rock And Heavy Metal Renegade Directories!

Here's a groovy list of sites with top rock and heavy metal links. This is a brand new century for metal and these directories feature something for all true hearted metal heads!

Whatever your passion in music and art these sites have the best. Avertising from companies who discriminate against the genre for their looks, their beliefs, and the music it creates are not welcome on The Top Rock And Heavy Metal Blog's URL.

The Top Rock Blog would like to thanks these sites for their support of the genre. Society places undue criticisms on the fans of heavy metal, but the true victims are the musicians.

Heavy Metal is the world's largest genre but not all artists and fans fulfill the stereotypes. Not all metalheads are Satanists out to destroy property; not all enjoy head banging. Many just wish to be given the respect and recognition they deserve.

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